Harm City Gear FAQ

I get asked a lot of questions about Baltimore and HarmCityGear.com, so I've decided to put together this convenient Frequently Asked Questions page. Actually, I don't get asked that many questions. I made up most of these, if you want to know the truth. But it makes me feel important to have a FAQ page, so I just went ahead and did it.

Q: Why do you call Baltimore "Harm City"?

A: First of all, it's not just me, OK? The whole Harm City thing started when they renovated the Inner Harbor and wanted to advertise B-Mo as a tourist town. They adopted the motto "Charm City" in their press campaign, and due to the ridiculously high murder rate a bunch of us Baltimore residents unofficially changed the motto to "Harm City". Catchy, ain't it?

Q: Ok, so where does the "City That Bleeds" come from?

A: Education ain't never been our strong point. Back in the late '80s or early '90s (I don't remember exactly when), the city decided it'd be a great idea to put up new benches at the bus stops with the motto "Baltimore - The City that Reads" printed on them. The combination of such a patent falsehood with our penchant for bastardizing catch phrases (see above) begat the new slogans "the City that Bleeds" and "the City that Breeds". This sort of clever punditry also gave Baltimore the moniker "Bodymore, Murderland" and renamed Washington, D.C. to "Dodge City".

Q: Come on, Baltimore isn't really that bad, is it?

A: Not compared to the Gaza Strip, I suppose. Tell you what, why don't you leave your hotel on the harbor one night and take a walk on up to Lexington. Let me know how that works out for you.

Q: Why do people in Baltimore call everyone "Hon"?

A: Beats me, baby.

Q: I love Baltimore! Fell's Point is awesome and Towson is SO cool! Why do you hate it so much?

A: First off, I don't hate it. I just call it for what it is. Second, Towson is not Baltimore. Towson is a cesspool of college kids, yuppies, and Starbucks and should be avoided at all costs. Third, go the fuck back to Jersey.

Q: Do you really make money off these t-shirts?

A: Define money. I ain't doin it for free, if that's what you're asking. Do I make money? Hell no.

Q: You grew up in the 'burbs, didn't you?

A: Yeah, sort of. Lochwood Road, just off Loch Raven. I only got jumped a few times.

Q: What's that smell?

A: Ok, this is important. You are currently in Middle River. You must LEAVE IMMEDIATELY or the smell will assimilate you. Do not go to Essex, do not go to Dundalk, and for God's sake DO NOT go to Philly! Get on the beltway and drive until you have escaped the smell.